I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it's given from Orlando Magicthe heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don't value ourselves or our love enough to know this. It has taken me along time to believe in the power of simple saying, "I'm so sorry," when someone is in pain. And meaning it.
One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted to tell her that they once had something just like that happen to them. Then her pain became a story about themselves. Eventually she stopped talking to most people. It was just too lonely. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care. Many people with cancer can talk about the relief ,of having someone just listen.
I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening. In the old days I used to reach for伸手去拿 the tissues组织，面巾纸 until I realized that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them down, to take them out of their experience of sadness and grief. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there with them.
This simple thing has not been that easy to learn. It certainly went against everything I had been taught since I was very young. I thought people listened only because they were too timid羞怯的，胆小的 to speak or did not know the answer. A loving silence oftenCleveland Cavaliers has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well intentioned出于意向的，有企图的 words.
男人不能对女人的哪些方面评头论足？如果你要说一个女生变胖了，那一定会得罪她。这还不算最糟糕的。有一次，我在称赞一个女孩衣服漂亮之后，接着说了句“看起来没花太多钱”，本来想夸她，结果把她弄哭了。看来想讨好女人，这学问可大着呢。
Some work friends and I were recently discussing things that men can not criticize their girlfriends about. It was astounding令人震惊的 how incorrect us guys were when trying to lay out展示，安排 our "rights" in terms of constructive criticism. The women in the office were appalled at被……吓坏 what we thought we were allowed to talk about. If I could figure out what I am allowed to criticize and what I should stay away from躲避, I'd avoid arguments and do a better job of hitting on偶然发现，突然想到 girls.
I'm guilty of saying things to women that only their best girlfriends, gay male friends, and moms/sisters are allowed to say. I put together a list below:
Weight
There is no friendly way for a guy to tell a girl that she's put on weight. Even if there was acheap nba jerseys friendly way, most of the women I've talked to about it said they would not want to hear it from a guy. It seems obvious, but not all guys know this. We polled some of the guys in our office, and the prevailing一般的，普遍的 male opinion was as long as she's your girlfriend, or you've known each other for a while, then you can make weight loss suggestions. I think the best policy is silence. If I'm desperate to make a suggestion, maybe I tell one of her girlfriends to do it on my behalf.
Outfit
I think I'm only allowed to say someone generally looks nice, or I like her shirt or whatever. Getting too detailed or negative gets me in trouble. In fact, I attempted to "add on" to a compliment恭维 I gave a girl once. I told her she looked great, because she had a new outfit装备，用具 on. Now, remembering those times I saw my sisters or friends bark back "thanks, and just $30 from Target," I tried to double up on my compliment: "and it looks like you didn't pay much money either." She ended up crying. I've been toldnba jerseys by women that they dress more to impress other women anyway, and not guys. Basically, I need to stick to "you look great" and leave it there. And I should probably avoid saying I don't like something a girl is wearing. That can only lead to no good.
